I don't know where it went, but it's gone. Not that I had a lot to begin with. It came in spurts and sometimes I could maintain it. Mostly though I relied on my DH to help though.
I'm talking about motivation, people. Something that I don't have gobs of, but for the most part, I can manage. However, being a "bachelorette," I just don't have the motivation to do anything. And yes, I mean anything.
Here is a list of things I am NOT motivated to do:
Exercise: This has never been my strong suit, but boy, I really don't have the motivation to exercise now. And yes, you don't have to tell me that it's just excuses. I KNOW! But what is it about having to change into a sports bra and sweat pants and put on the right shoes? Ugh, I hate it.
Cook: This is the number one pet peeve I have about living alone while my DH is deployed. And the weird thing is that I love to cook! But I just can't find the motivation to cook for myself. Oh, and the leftovers. When I do make a meal, the leftovers last for 7 days! I can't eat tacos for lunch and dinner for 7 days. I CAN'T DO IT!
Clean: This one has nothing to do with my DH being here or not. I'm never motivated to clean.
Make my bed: Why? Why should I make my bed when I'm just going to get it messy again in 14-16 hours. Right, Mom?
Sit outside: This is weird, don't you think? I've never been a big outdoors kind of girl. However, I am NOT motivated to be outside or even to drink my coffee on the back porch and watch the sunrise over the mountain. And why? Seems like a lovely thing to do. Nope, no motivation.
Grocery shopping: Now, you have to understand that I like shopping at the Commissary and getting my gas on base. However, I live about 30 minutes from the nearest base. If I go to work, I'm about half way there. So I have to drive another 15 minutes out of my way to go to the grocery store and get gas. This, after a long day working with students, and I just want to go home. Nope, not motived to do the grocery shopping either!
Here is a list of things I AM motivated to do:
Go to work: Believe it or not, I'm one of those people who loves my job. I love the people I work with and I love my students. It's just a great place to be (most of the time)!
Come home: Though I miss my DH terribly, I love coming home, even when the house is empty. My house is a sanctuary; it's quiet; it's beautiful; it's peaceful. (And it's messy because I HATE TO CLEAN!)
So, I have to dig deep. I have to find the motivation. At the very least, the house needs to be cleaned before my DH walks through the door. Right?
Dear God,
Please help me get my motivation back. Help me to recognize how taking care of myself and my house is just another way to glorify you and to honor the gifts that you have given me.
Thank you for letting me be honest with myself so that I can turn things around. And please help me recognize when I am not saying anything positive; let me be a light to others.
Love,
Jen
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