Leaving the Nest

My son, Drew, and I have a very close relationship. I was a single mom with no support from Drew's biological father for 6 years before Rei came into our life. The bond between the two of us is very strong. We have very similar likes and dislikes and our sense of humor is totally whacky.

I tell you all of this to give you an idea of how much I'm going to miss Drew. While he is 21 and we were disappointed in the circumstances that led to having him move back home a couple of months ago, he has worked hard to turn things around and better himself. Unfortunately, I have gotten used to him being around again. 

So now, we are ALL leaving the nest. Drew has to leave the nest and go live on his own. Rei and I have to leave the comfort of the nest we have built over the last 12 years and travel 2500 miles to parts unknown. Needless to say, we are all on edge trying to wrap our brains and hearts around this massive move that will be happening in the next couple of months.

Saturday, after an extremely busy week (I ran our Vacation Bible School program), we went house shopping for Drew. Let me just say that I am so happy we are taking this route of buying a place for him and then he will pay us rent. This gives me a peace of mind I didn't think was possible within our preparations for our move. My big fear was leaving Drew behind and him struggling to keep good housing. I'm not sure I would have been able to function normally if I knew Drew was bouncing from apartment to apartment or moving from one living situation to another.

Now, I have to share that I am married to one of the most thrifty people in the whole world. When I heard what he was willing to spend on a place for Drew, I was convinced we would never find something decent. However, our friend and realtor, Carolyn, found a way for us to spend what Rei wanted to spend and still get a beautiful place. She showed us a bunch of townhouses. We hadn't even thought of townhouses! This was a perfect marriage of Rei's thriftiness with my desire for a nice place in a nice neighborhood.

We saw so many places on Saturday that it was hard to make a decision. The last place Carolyn showed us just seemed like it was going to be one more townhouse. But it wasn't. The minute we pulled into this neighborhood, you see the playground, the community pool and all of the green areas for kids to play. Then we pull up to the townhouse and we know that this is the one. Outside is perfect and inside looks amazing. All three of us could picture little David playing here and growing up in this neighborhood. After viewing the house, we drove around the neighborhood and saw lots of young families. We knew this place was the one!!

We are still waiting to hear from the bank on whether they accept our offer; however, I have great peace of mind in knowing we will find a place for Drew. I thank God that he has provided the blessing of resources for us to afford buying a great place for Drew. I thank God that Drew is at the point in his life, with a good paying job, to take on this responsibility of leaving the nest and taking care of a new place. I thank God for providing me with a husband who honestly loves his son and wants to take care of him. So many things to be done before we move and this was a big one. I'm thankful I can check this one off of my list.

Living Day to Day by His Grace,

Jennifer

Dear God,

I thank You for Your provision, for giving me so much. My gratefulness knows no bounds. It is overwhelming to me how much You love me and take care of me.

I give You thanks for our child, Drew, and for giving him the gifts and talents he has to survive in a grown up world. Watch over him, dear Lord, and protect him from himself and the pitfalls around him.

I give You thanks for providing the resources to us to help us buy a place for our son to live in. We would not be where we are today without the blessings you continue to provide. Thank You for giving us such a great friend in Carolyn who so willingly gives of her time and her own resources to help us and others.

And thank You, Lord, for giving me peace of mind with this step of our move. This is one more reminder that we are following Your will in making this move. 

In Jesus' Name I pray. 

Amen.

Little David

So yesterday I spent the day with Rei and my grandson, David. That little peanut is such a light in our lives! Just thinking about him brings a smile to my face.

Anyway, we went to Seaworld for a few hours (annual passes are such a blessing). What a joy it is to spend time with a two-year old because everything is totally awesome when you are two! His big obsession right now is polar bears. Of course, we had to spoil him with a polar bear stuffed animal!

As we progressed through the afternoon, David wanted to go to the Shamu show. I forgot that they do the "Salute to the Heroes," where they acknowledge all active and retired military personnel and their families. So when they asked all of us to stand up and be recognized, I was taken by surprise and started getting teary-eyed.

And then the waterworks started...I began to think about all that I will be leaving behind, especially my little David. Right about then David started to get tired and clingy and I struggled to keep my composure in the crowded stadium. As the show progressed and the music picked up, I was able to focus on just enjoying the moment.

So I'm wondering how I can stay connected to my son and grandson without feeling like I am missing something. This shouldn't be a hard one for me to figure out. I know firsthand how Rei and I kept in touch while he was deployed in Afghanistan. I also have the tools to make videos and recordings to send to Drew and David. But it's just not the same...

So my prayer today is for God to grant me the strength to bear the pain of separation from my dearest loved ones. May I always feel His presence while we journey through these challenges.

Living Day to Day by His Grace,

Jennifer

Dear God,

It's so hard for me to leave behind my loved ones, especially the ones that I have never lived very far from. Grant me today the strength and confidence in You that will allow me to let go gracefully and rest assured that You are in control of my life and their lives.

Father, I also pray today for David and for his parents. I pray, first of all, for reconciliation between Drew and Katie, that their relationship may be repaired. If this is not in Your will, I pray that they will always remember to put David first when dealing with each other. Give them the grace to be humble and patient with one another and to remember what brought them together in the first place.

And finally, watch over David, dear Lord. Help him to grow up to be the wonderful young man we know he is going to be. Also, help him to remember that all of his grandparents love him so much, no matter where they are.

In Jesus' Name I pray. 

Amen.

Do Not Fear? Peace, Be Still? He's still working on me!

This past Sunday, my husband preached about the story of how Jesus calmed the storm by saying, "Peace, be still." Jesus told his disciples to not be afraid because he is in control.

On Monday, our very first story we recreated at Vacation Bible School was the exact same one from Sunday.

Do you think God was trying to tell me something????

I am married to an Episcopal priest who just happens to be a Chaplain in the Navy Reserve. He recently returned from a deployment with the Marines at Camp Leatherneck in Afghanistan. When he returned from his deployment, we started to prayerfully consider changing our whole lives and joining the military full-time. And then, we did it: Rei put his application package together and submitted it for approval for him to be recalled to Active Duty.

On Monday, we received the news: Rei's application was approved.

On Tuesday, we received this news: The Navy was considering him for a Base Chaplain position in San Diego, California

Did I forget to mention that I have lived in Florida for 27 years? That I have never been farther west than Louisiana? 

On Wednesday, it was confirmed: We will be going to San Diego. 

Did I also forget to mention that the Navy wants Rei there yesterday? Okay, so not really yesterday but by mid-August (which might as well be yesterday).

Those of you that know me will know that there are other circumstances in play here and these make me hesitate even more. Some of them are:

* I'm in a job I love and adore. As an Elementary Music Teacher, I am in my dream job. And these elementary music teacher jobs are hard to come by. Most of my fear resides right here. Will I ever get to teach elementary music again?

* Our adult son lives with us. Drew is a great guy and I am pretty sure this will be the push he needs to get out of the house and move on with his life (he is already making a lot of progress in this area). Some of my fear sits here. Drew has a great job right now and he is meandering his way through college. He has a little boy that lives with his mom. We are waiting to see what happens with this relationship and prayerfully hoping for a positive resolution.

* My family is relatively close by. My parents live about an hour and half away, just close enough to be able to go see them when I need them, but far enough away for us to live our own lives. Mom and Dad both turn 65 this year, and while they don't have any major health problems yet, I won't be there when and if they start. My brother and his wife live close to my parents and I know I can rely on them. But my filial guilt at not being able to be there when needed is starting to attack my conscience.

So, how am I handling this pressure? Um, not well. 

I started researching teaching jobs available in the San Diego area...none. And I'm not looking at just music positions; we are talking no teaching positions whatsoever. Nada, zip, zilch. So I had a melt down. Pretty typical for the way things are going this week. My husband has started tiptoeing around my feelings. I don't blame him.

So then, feeling like I have no control over anything, I decided to take control of something. After two hours, my closet is now move-ready. I think our church's Thrift Shop is going to greatly benefit from our big move. Check out my 6 trash bags of clothes, purses and shoes. Oh and by the way, I cleaned out my closet recently back in March.

Okay, I know what you're thinking, because I'm thinking it, too. What about the Gospel message from Sunday: "Do not fear. Peace, be still."? Was I listening? Did I miss the message?

I didn't miss it; I just needed time for it to sink in. Today, I'm much calmer and I have spent some time in prayer, asking God to grant me some serenity and peace as we approach this HUGE change in our lives. So, I'm going to rest in his promise of True Peace. I know it will be an uphill, daily battle but, honestly, this is going to be a fantastic journey once I let go and let God. This song will help me remind me of what is important. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwsvqVmFV6Y

Living Day to Day by His Grace,

Jennifer

Dear God,

Only You know how anxious my heart is and You know what fears are truly weighing me down. I ask You to melt that block of icy anxiety. Banish away my fears. Silence all the voices of doubt and insecurity in my head. Help me. 

Help me to know You are in control. That even though we have done great things where we are now, there are many more great things in store for us in our new journey. That even though we have received great blessings, there are still great blessings to be reaped. That even though we are leaving behind a wonderful group of friends and loved ones, there are new ones waiting for us wherever we go. And the old ones will never be forgotten and that they are missing us, too.

God, I thank You for all You have given us and I praise You for Your hand guiding us all this way. I ask You to watch over and be with those whom we will no longer be present to take care of. 

And finally God, I ask You to help me to see Your plan. And where I cannot see it, help me to trust in You.

In Jesus' Name I pray. 

Amen.