On Monday, our very first story we recreated at Vacation Bible School was the exact same one from Sunday.
Do you think God was trying to tell me something????
I am married to an Episcopal priest who just happens to be a Chaplain in the Navy Reserve. He recently returned from a deployment with the Marines at Camp Leatherneck in Afghanistan. When he returned from his deployment, we started to prayerfully consider changing our whole lives and joining the military full-time. And then, we did it: Rei put his application package together and submitted it for approval for him to be recalled to Active Duty.
On Monday, we received the news: Rei's application was approved.
On Tuesday, we received this news: The Navy was considering him for a Base Chaplain position in San Diego, California
Did I forget to mention that I have lived in Florida for 27 years? That I have never been farther west than Louisiana?
On Wednesday, it was confirmed: We will be going to San Diego.
Did I also forget to mention that the Navy wants Rei there yesterday? Okay, so not really yesterday but by mid-August (which might as well be yesterday).
Those of you that know me will know that there are other circumstances in play here and these make me hesitate even more. Some of them are:
* I'm in a job I love and adore. As an Elementary Music Teacher, I am in my dream job. And these elementary music teacher jobs are hard to come by. Most of my fear resides right here. Will I ever get to teach elementary music again?
* Our adult son lives with us. Drew is a great guy and I am pretty sure this will be the push he needs to get out of the house and move on with his life (he is already making a lot of progress in this area). Some of my fear sits here. Drew has a great job right now and he is meandering his way through college. He has a little boy that lives with his mom. We are waiting to see what happens with this relationship and prayerfully hoping for a positive resolution.
* My family is relatively close by. My parents live about an hour and half away, just close enough to be able to go see them when I need them, but far enough away for us to live our own lives. Mom and Dad both turn 65 this year, and while they don't have any major health problems yet, I won't be there when and if they start. My brother and his wife live close to my parents and I know I can rely on them. But my filial guilt at not being able to be there when needed is starting to attack my conscience.
So, how am I handling this pressure? Um, not well.
I started researching teaching jobs available in the San Diego area...none. And I'm not looking at just music positions; we are talking no teaching positions whatsoever. Nada, zip, zilch. So I had a melt down. Pretty typical for the way things are going this week. My husband has started tiptoeing around my feelings. I don't blame him.
So then, feeling like I have no control over anything, I decided to take control of something. After two hours, my closet is now move-ready. I think our church's Thrift Shop is going to greatly benefit from our big move. Check out my 6 trash bags of clothes, purses and shoes. Oh and by the way, I cleaned out my closet recently back in March.
Okay, I know what you're thinking, because I'm thinking it, too. What about the Gospel message from Sunday: "Do not fear. Peace, be still."? Was I listening? Did I miss the message?
I didn't miss it; I just needed time for it to sink in. Today, I'm much calmer and I have spent some time in prayer, asking God to grant me some serenity and peace as we approach this HUGE change in our lives. So, I'm going to rest in his promise of True Peace. I know it will be an uphill, daily battle but, honestly, this is going to be a fantastic journey once I let go and let God. This song will help me remind me of what is important.
Living Day to Day by His Grace,
Jennifer
Dear God,
Only You know how anxious my heart is and You know what fears are truly weighing me down. I ask You to melt that block of icy anxiety. Banish away my fears. Silence all the voices of doubt and insecurity in my head. Help me.
Help me to know You are in control. That even though we have done great things where we are now, there are many more great things in store for us in our new journey. That even though we have received great blessings, there are still great blessings to be reaped. That even though we are leaving behind a wonderful group of friends and loved ones, there are new ones waiting for us wherever we go. And the old ones will never be forgotten and that they are missing us, too.
God, I thank You for all You have given us and I praise You for Your hand guiding us all this way. I ask You to watch over and be with those whom we will no longer be present to take care of.
And finally God, I ask You to help me to see Your plan. And where I cannot see it, help me to trust in You.
In Jesus' Name I pray.
Amen.
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